I was called a hallucination last night…

Young girl looked me in my eyes and held her fists tight 

Helen was her name 

Heart full of pain. 

Attachment and trust so minuscule 

Even the cold chilling breeze that lissed our skin couldn’t make its way in between the gaps of her hands.

Shiver after shiver you’d think she was cold but the urge to not cry and release anger was fighting against her 

You aren’t real she shouted.

And no she didn’t project her voice and spoke with volume but with her tears that built in her eyes like a well 

With depths so deep the scars on here wrists look like puddles

And her inner self screams so loud that it makes a hawk sound like a mouse 

That’s a broken girls heart.

Can you feel it? 

Can you hear it scream in pain?

I assured her she’s  safe with me 

She froze because the last person that told her that has her looking over her shoulder with every step she takes 

Pulling ger XL shirt over ger fingers just so i don’t make another comment another look at all the makeup that covered the  battles she dealt with. 

Her own and only make up artist she trusted with the magic to make any bruise she inflicted penetrating walls disappear,

Her own musician for each melody and beat she heard so often was the gasp for air she couldn’t hold and cry as the floor gets hit by her tears,

Her own personal artist with a brush so sharp it maid her red paint stain anything with her pain to the point it’s permanent.

Her own parent…

Consulting, herself, reassuring herself. Supporting herself, aiding herself… loving herself.

What are you staring at she asked …

I was left speechless. Because how do I tell her that I saw a volcano erupting before it’s erupted? 

I was left empty because how do I say anything when the tears that dropped and collided with the ground banief us represented the words that were stuck behind her tongue.

Tied up like a knot 

Cuffed behind bars 

Left to slave behind against her past 

How on earth is she meant to move forward when all she keeps hearing is behind, past, before, then

And not forward future, soon, ahead 

Little girl believe in your self and all you desire will be presented to you I said. 

Heart hurting 

As the air around us filled with silence, 

How much longer intill she breaks from this concrete face she presents 

What will come to you will soon arrive. 

i will take care of you 

I  lead you to freedom and holds you when you can’t even hold yourself 

I won’t  just hear what you have to say but listen

…

(Helen)

Solomon, why do you only listen when I am at my most venerable  place ? 

Why do you always show up exactly 6 hours after I’m happy? 

You reassure me never answer me 

Why act like your here when you are not 

Why do you continuously seem embarrassed when you hear or see all the times I’ve tried to be with you 

My attempts 

My battle scars 

My desire to be with you 

Manipulated all by you 

Why hurt me more when you ignore the fact I keep telling you you aren’t real and that you are just a stupid hallucination!

- 

Knock knock …

Helen! 

Medication time!